by Debbie Zeichner, LCSW & parent coach
I don’t know about you, but even hearing the words, “back to school,” can give me some anxiety! ? Along with all the stuff to do and get prepped, I also find myself wondering…Will my kids have a good year? Will they have nice, patient teachers? Will they be able to manage the work? Will they get along with others? Will they be included? Will they feel connected? ETC!
Can you relate?
Making the transition from the (somewhat) lazy days of summer, to the hectic rush that inevitably comes with a new school year definitely isn’t easy…for us OR our kids! ?
To deal with my own stress and overwhelm at the start of a new year, I wanted to share 4 things I’ve been practicing which have been incredibly helpful. I hope you find them helpful too…
1) I’m reminding myself not to take my kids behavior personally.
With every new school year comes big emotions – excitement, worry, fear, insecurity, stress etc. It’s a lot for our young kids, teens, even US, to manage. Because our kids can’t always express how or what they’re feeling, they end up communicating through their behavior, including how they treat us (i.e. the eye rolling, lashing out, yelling, “attitude,” throwing things etc.) So, when those big feelings (or actions) of theirs show up, remind yourself it’s not about you. It’s about all they’re trying to manage and navigate (consciously and unconsciously), with the limited skills they have. They’re not trying to be difficult and they don’t mean to hurt or upset you.
? Lead with love, patience and empathy.
2) I’m reminding myself to breathe and keep myself regulated.
When our kids are having a tough time, they need, more than anything, to borrow our calm. Their nervous systems literally depend on it! If I’m not calm and regulated, I won’t have it to share with my kids. Most importantly, our kids learn HOW to “be calm” by watching the adults around them – US! Think about what calms you and what you need when you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Then practice. For example, taking 5-10 slow, deep breaths, stepping outside, meditating, giving yourself a hug, putting on music, moving your body (walking, dancing, exercising etc), stretching, journaling, cuddling a pet, squeezing a stress ball, washing your face or hands, calling/texting a friend etc. Find what works for you.
? Remind yourself, “When they go up, I need to stay grounded.”
3) I’m reminding myself to plan ahead and do as much as I can the day or night before.
Some things you can do ahead of time – pick out outfits, pack lunches, get backpacks/books/devices/chargers/sports equipment or anything that needs to go to school ready and put it next to the door; review the morning schedule together the night before, setting expectations for what needs to get done in order to get out the door smoothly and ON TIME.
? A little prep can make for a much smoother morning.
4) I’m reminding myself to slow down, so I can actually give myself time to enjoy parenting.
The old cliche’ “It goes so fast.” couldn’t be more true. Take those first day of school pix and look at them often; go through your kids baby albums; schedule mini breaks in your day to just take a breath and look around; make a list of the things you love about your kids and post it somewhere you can see it often; know that it’s OK to say “No,” and that it’s also OK to ask for help.
? Give yourself a break. Also, do your best to make some time to actually hang out with and enjoy your kids, even if it means letting go of some of those “to-do’s.” It’s definitely time well spent and something you won’t regret.
Bottom Line: “Back-to-school” doesn’t have to be so stressful and overwhelming! Doing your best to get those routines in place, prepping ahead of time, talking about your kids feelings, acknowledging their fears and practicing your own self-care, can help make the transition go more smoothly….for you AND for them. Most importantly, make sure you’re doing all you can to help your kids feel seen, heard, understood and valued.
Wishing you and your kiddos an amazing year ahead!
Debbie Zeichner is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Parent Coach, who has specialized in working with parents and families for over 20 years. She is a Positive Discipline Parent Educator, a Certified Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) Parent Educator and a mindfulness facilitator.
Inspired by her own parenting challenges raising two very strong-willed kiddos, Debbie set out on a mission to educate herself and others on positive, mindful approaches for creating healthy and connected family relationships. More specifically, she’s passionate about helping parents navigate the daily challenges of raising their kids in a way that ends the power struggles, improves “listening” and builds connection. She offers 1:1 parent coaching, engaging parenting workshops and is a sought after speaker for schools, parent groups and business organizations. She is the proud mom of 2 passionate teenagers, who she considers her biggest teachers!
Contact Info:
www.debbiezeichnerlcsw.com
debbiezeichnerlcsw@gmail.com
858.822.8878